i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
