Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize