so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
