i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
