bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
