We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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