I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
