I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I look better un-naked...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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