VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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