Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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