It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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