what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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