haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
