If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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