there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
