I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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