Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
be right there i have to get my cape
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
