oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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