i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
