She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
