My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
