I wannas sexs uuuuu
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
