we have officially lost it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
