Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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