don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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