My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
