Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
