So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
