Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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