my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize