My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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