He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
this hospital has no fireball
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
