genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
