Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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