my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So here I am, sexting at work.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
