she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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