I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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