My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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