i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They have beer where we have blood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
