too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
