You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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