dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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