God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize