I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
