Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
