dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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