DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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