just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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