You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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