she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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