$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
