: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
