I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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