I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
