32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you inspire me to be a worse person
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
