Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
