he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
