You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
