Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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