i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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