I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
