If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
