no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
