Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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