why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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