Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
