Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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