my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
