I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
