your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
