I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
