Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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