so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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