I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
