'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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