I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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