holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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