You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize