So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
