I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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