Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
