i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
