i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
