go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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