I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
