I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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