Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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