White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
