He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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