i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
