I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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