the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
