i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
