I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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