In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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