somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize