she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
