im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
