Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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