Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's never too late to be topless.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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