I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
