I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
