I heard we made out
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
