I hate all girls vehemently.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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